Church
There was a ton of comment here at Reformissionary and around the internet on the Mark Dever, Mark Driscoll & James MacDonald video discussing multi-site & video venues in church planting. You really need to watch that video and check the comments on my earlier post.
A video was posted by Driscoll talking about humility and notoriety, specifically mentioning the previous video and the response of people to it. Here you go...
I'm somewhere in the middle on the multi-site debate. I'm much more sympathetic to a local/regional multi-site like Tim Keller. I find video venues problematic. James MacDonald & Mark Driscoll both have multi-sites with some video venues. Mark Dever is the guy who says even multiple services is a problem resulting in multiple congregations. So though he could have many more people and services and locations, he still only has one service. I'm not exactly in any of their camps, though I like each of these guys and most of what they do.
But when these three come together for a conversation I expected it to be very interesting and full of thought-provoking argument. It's not. It's a lot of misunderstanding and misdirection and sometimes almost insulting comments, though no one acts offended and I'm sure they assume the best of each other.
So many good questions and points need to be discussed and answered, and I'm not sure a single one was in this video. A few thoughts...
There is an assumption that multi-sites become their own congregations after the leader dies and that multi-sites with video are better because they aren't tied to the leader being there and everyone interacting with him. But why can't they be tied to the leader still?
If that leader's face and name wasn't a part of the venue and movement, people wouldn't come in the same numbers. Their "celebrity" brings in the people, which is a part of why it's used. That's why it works. To assume people will stay after that name and face are gone doesn't work to me. I don't know of any church that has been that far in their history to know if that will work or not. But shouldn't we be concerned for these venues since the name and face is so important?
Let me add, celebrities don't stop becoming celebrities when they aren't in the personal presence of someone. Driscoll seems to imply that. In video venues we make our preaching celebrities more like cultural ones...by putting them on TV. I know there's more to it than that, but I'm really surprised that the conversation doesn't go in that direction. I wish Dever would have pushed more there.
One last thing. Where was the theological basis of the discussion. There was a little on church meaning "assembly" at the beginning, but it turned to plans and numbers and stats and a bunch of stuff other than theology and Bible. In that I wonder if Dever is more open to these things than he has been in the past or if a 2 on 1 conversation is just a bad idea unless the 2 are going to be fair in how they argue with the 1. I'd rather not see your ribbing and "fist bumping" approach and see you really engage deeply on issues that are important. I need to hear these men generously argue with each other. I think we all do. I think that's why the conversation and video exist. But I think it failed to produce something worthwhile.
What say you?
One thing I get excited about is seeing new churches planted in Chicago. I'd like to introduce you my friend, Matt Sweetman, and the work he is doing in our city. Matt, his wife Heather and their two boys moved to Chicago in 2009. His vision that he shared with me a couple of years ago almost exactly matched some heart desires I've had for the north side of Chicago for the last 5 years or so.
I talked to Matt a couple of weeks ago about what's currently happening. Here is what he told me about this new Chicago church, Destination, and what they are experiencing...
Pray for Matt, his family and this new church. Learn more about Destination.
I had the privilege of attending Catalyst One Day Chicago last Thursday at Willow Creek. I didn't know a lot about One Day before I went. I knew it was ONE day and had Andy Stanley and Craig Groeschel as speakers. I knew it would probably be mostly leadership and organizational principles. That's about it.
One Day's are four main sessions (Andy, 2 Craig's, Andy), significant Q and A time, and Andy-Craig dialogues. You get to hear the nitty gritty aspects of ministry from these two guys who lead two giant churches and who have been through a lot.
Topic was momentum. An important topic for my ministry & church in particular, so I was very eager to hear them on it. Let me first describe 5 things that I really needed to hear.
First, I needed the reminder from Stanley that if people aren't following, they aren't convinced of the vision. I'm working on vision stuff at Doxa this week and heading into summer. It's an important thing for me to hear and hear again. I'm not nearly good enough at casting vision and keeping it in front of my people.
Second, I needed the word from Groeschel that "If you're not hurting, you're not leading." Pain is a part of leadership and ministry, I've experienced it a lot, and it's a part of it that I can't avoid. But I love to try to avoid it. If I do, I stop leading. Another quote: "The difference between where you are and where God wants you to be is the painful decision you need to make."
Third, I needed everything from Groeschel's second talk. So good for me. We need to repent life as "Christian Atheists," as people who are full-time Pastors but only part-time Christians. This was another God moment for me, which are growing in number over the past few months. God is good.
Fourth, I needed the reminder to talk to my wife about when it's best for me to be home. I've just flat-out neglected this. I'm home a lot and I'm a real homebody, a family man. But often not at the times that serve her and my children best. I'm correcting this.
Fifth, I needed Stanley's encouraging closing talk as it pertained to my approach to ministry. He said programs are created to answer a question or meet a need and we must stop them when they no longer answer the question or meet the need. I've seen a need to work on this at my church, and I just needed to be encouraged again on how important this work is.
Now, a few critical thoughts I have and I know some others have.
Some will criticize conferences like this for not emphasizing the Gospel more. I hear that, and agree to a point. I know we can't assume a lot of guys in ministry know and/or preach the Gospel all that well. I agree that the Gospel is THE filter and directive behind all that we do. And I do think the message of One Day would be impacted and improved should the Gospel take a more prominent place as the day begins.
But I also like the format. I like having some assumptions so we can narrow the focus. We don't always have to say everything. You know coming in to this that it isn't really a theology/Gospel conference. There are other places for that. This is leadership and organization and best practices. And I found it of great value for what it is.
I disagree significantly with both Stanley and Groeschel on some organizational aspects of their churches. It's hard to talk best practices without the conference teaching a model, at least to a point. I was able to pass off the stuff I didn't find sound or compelling from my point of view, so it wasn't a big deal for me. Is it possible the Gospel/theology aspect is not only absent because of the narrow focus of the conference, but also because it's under-utilized in these models? Possibly. But that doesn't mean I can glean what I find valuable there, and I found a lot of value.
Another criticism could be that these pastors of large churches with lots of staff aren't speaking quite as helpful for smaller church guys. There's some validity to that and had that thought during One Day. But I also think there is enough there that anyone in any place of ministry will be blessed. Like I said, yu can't do everything at every conference. And the principles discussed are meant to be universal. I was happy enough, though I wasn't always fully tracking with where these two guys are in their leadership journey.
If you have a chance to attend a One Day or other Catalyst Conference, I think you will be blessed. I was.
Daniel Montgomery of Sojourn Community Church in Louisville, KY on the Gospel (via)...
It's Friday, this is a photo, but I didn't take it. At Catalyst One Day they asked "What is the one way the church should innovate to be more effective?" This was the answer of Joe Thorn and me.
I have to admit that as a Protestant I have far more positive reasons for being a Protestant than actual protests. I guess that's a good thing. And, well, I do have a lot of protests for any number of Christian things. But to actually Protest well I've been learning about Catholicism in order to know what I'm actually protesting. It's been tremendous for my faith by causing me to challenge my own assumptions, to know what I believe and why I believe it.
Here are some resources I've been using learn about Catholicism, and my encouragement to other Protestant church leaders.
1. Attend Catholic Mass
It's too easy to talk about things we experienced long ago or have only heard about. Go experience it. See the devoted kneeling, note the art on the walls and ceiling, the candles lit around statues and paintings. Watch the Eucharist take prominence and ask yourself what the devoted are kneeling to. Let the story of the past 500 years of the Reformation meet you in a Catholic Mass and then see what you see. It was eye-opening for me. It was spirit-provoking. I brought my entire family once so we all could talk about it.
You can probably find a Saturday night Mass so as not to miss what your church is doing. Don't take the Eucharist (they don't want you to anyway). I stay seated as others take, and observe.
2. Join discussions or studies
I have joined two discussion groups at our Catholic church. They are 6-8 weeks in length so it's short term and very informative. At our local church they have an Understanding the Catholic Faith class that goes over basics and a Catholics Returning Home class for those who have left and are returning. I've gotten to know several folks at these classes, which is a great way to learn about Catholicism (as I say in #3 below). And the content of these classes have a been very informative for me. Why get what Catholics teach from a book when you can hear it from a Catholic?
3. Talk to Catholics & get to know a priest
When a Baptist pastor joins Catholic studies, you tend to raise eyebrows and get questions. It's a great thing. I'm on a first name basis with the local priest, a deacon, & other teachers including a CCD teacher who is now receiving me with a hug. I love these folks and love getting to know them. And they are probably my best resource for getting to know Catholicism. I'm learning what makes them tick, gives them hope, is the heart of their life of devotion and worship. I'm answering their questions, but asking more than answering. I let them know my religious background and ask about our differences. What do they see as real differences? Ask about their understanding of the Eucharist, Pope, Rosary, etc. Important stuff.
The local priest, Aaron, is a very friendly and knowledgeable guy. We are near the same age, which is a cool thing. We've already been talking about getting coffee and talking more one-on-one. He's also given me a CD about a Protestant pastor who became a Catholic, opening another door for discussion.
As with any faith you have those who are very devoted and those who are somewhat devoted or nominal. Getting to know all these folks helps you to get their faith as a whole.
4. Study stuff by Catholics
5. Study stuff by Protestants on Catholicism
Hope you find all this helpful. What resources or points am I missing from your experience?
Bill Streger: Uncool People Need Jesus Too...
I have yet to assess a church planter who wants to move to a declining, smaller city and reach out to blue collar factory workers, mechanics, or construction crews. Not one with an evangelsitic strategy to go after the 50-something administrative assistant who’s been working at the same low-paying insurance firm for three decades now....Why is that?
Brent Thomas: Would You Like To Be Part of a Movement...
Though, on paper, we offer much less than other churches (we “do” Sunday mornings and Community Groups), we are actually asking you to consider an entire reorientation of your life around the Mission of God (Missio Dei), to be part of a movement, to transform the culture of the NorthWest Phoenix Valley through the power of the Gospel.
New resource from TheGoodBook.com called Beginning with God...
Beginning With God helps parents start a Bible-reading routine with their preschool-age children. The beautifully-designed book from The Good Book Company is an easy-to-use companion to the Beginner’s Bible and other popular toddler’s Bibles.
Check out new music from These New Puritans and The Besnard Lakes.
Dave Kraft: What Makes A Leader? series
Hudson Taylor on Evangelism...
Perhaps if there were more of that intense distress for souls that leads to tears, we should more frequently see the results we desire. Sometimes it may be that while we are complaining of the hardness of the hearts of those we are seeking to benefit, the hardness of our own hearts and our feeble apprehension of the solemn reality of eternal things may be the true cause of our want of success.” (via)
GCM Collective (Gospel Community Mission) launches on Monday...
It is a gospel community that lives out the mission of God together, as family, in a specific area and to a particular people group by declaring and demonstrating the gospel in tangible forms. God is moving to create thousands of new gospel communities on mission around the world. Be a part of this movement.
When my very smart and relatively young girlfriend (she was then 20) first told her father she was thinking of marrying me, he refused to even hear of it. "How much college debt does he have?" he demanded. "What's the rush? Why not wait until your career and finances are established? How do you know he's the one?"
Brent Thomas sees Rob Bell's Drops Like Stars
Just because someone says something very well, that doesn’t mean someone says something very right.
Tim Keller: The Big Issues Facing the Church & How Should Churches and Leaders Be Preparing To Address These Big Issues Facing the Church?
Joel Virgo: Pray with Perspective series
Francis Chan: Public Passion vs Private Devotion
Last summer I came to a shocking realization that I had to share with my wife: If Jesus had a church in Simi Valley, mine would be bigger. People would leave His church to attend mine because I call for an easier commitment. I know better how to cater to people’s desires so they stick around. Jesus was never really good at that. He was the one who said, “He who loves father or mother … son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.” (Matt. 10:37 NIV) I’m much more popular than Jesus.
Having come to that conclusion, I came back to the church with resolve to call people to the same commitment Christ called them to. I knew that people would leave, and they have. I found comfort in that because, “Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets.” (Luke 6:26 NIV) Over time though, the conviction can fade, and it gets tiresome seeing people leave. There is a constant pull to try to keep people around rather than truly lead the faithful who remain. When my church was started, I used to tell my wife that I didn’t care if we only had ten people, as long as they really loved God and desired to worship Him with all of their hearts. Where is that conviction now?
I've been studying the Catholic Church recently: books, audio, attending Mass, etc. I ran across this video and wanted to share it. It's the Catholics Come Home Initiative that you and your church needs to know about. Best quote: "The Saints were sinners. They had problems. But when they found God everything was cool, and they were God's BFF's. That's what I want to be."
Praying for the people of Haiti. Please comment with your recommendations on where to donate to help, and feel free to include a link. Redeemer lists three ministries.
If you aren't reading Trevin Wax (Twitter) he's doing good blogging. His book, Holy Subversion, comes out soon. Worth checking out.
JD Payne, my church planting professor at SBTS, author, missiologist, is now on Twitter and blogging. I just got his newest book in the mail, Discovering Church Planting and look forward to digging into some sections that might help during our church renewal process.
Memphis is starting to talk about Jonathan McIntosh.
Mark Dever interviews Matt Chandler, pre-cancer diagnosis.
Brent Thomas is no longer the Baptist he never was.
Brief Molly Update: She is doing well, with no major symptoms or issues. Very blessed.
Dr. Keller has a blog post on why Redeemer does Multi-Site, a post born out of the USA Today article that included stuff on Redeemer.
Joe Thorn: Dangerous Theology interview & Ambition Conference audio
JR Vassar: Planning an Intentional Devotional Life in 2010
Mark Bergin and The Painted Door in the Chicago Tribune
Trevin Wax: The State of the Blogosphere
Ben Arment: 2nd Whiteboard coming in May
Avett Brothers: Emotionalism only $1.99 today
TeuxDeux is one of the simplest online todo lists I've seen. Like it so far. (via)
Esquire: What if Jesus meant all that stuff? - Shane Claiborne addresses the "unbelieving"
The more I have read the Bible and studied the life of Jesus, the more I have become convinced that Christianity spreads best not through force but through fascination. But over the past few decades our Christianity, at least here in the United States, has become less and less fascinating.
Curator: And the Mad Waters Rise (on Mad Men)
There is already evidence in Mad Men, from some of the plights of other characters, that the writers believe in some form of reconciliation, some redemption. Perhaps Draper too can recover from the fact that possessions and success are ultimately meaningless, and perhaps the hole this has left in him can be filled with something more meaningful, some rock to build on when the waters rise. We’ll have to wait till Season 4 to find out.
Dan Kimball: I Was Wrong About Church Buildings
I have recanted from my earlier belief that buildings drain resources and create consumer Christians. I was wrong. Now I see them as missionary centers to impact lives for the gospel.
Ray Ortlund: Brothers Together in Christ
Three ways to create a church where brothers demonstrate love for one another...
I'm pastoring a church striving for and working through renewal, so I'm always looking for good, Gospel-centered resources to help our people grasp the realities of what that renewal involves. When Brad Byrd (The Good Book Company, Brad on Twitter: @tweetiebyrd) gave me a copy of The Gospel-Centred Church (GCC) workbook by Steve Timmis and Tim Chester at the Acts 29 boot camp in Louisville, I hoped this would be one of those resources. It is.
GCC is broken up into an introduction, three main sections and a conclusion...
There are a total it's 18 lessons of 4-5 pages each. Each is engaging and provocative. It worked well as an individual study, but I can see greatest value in a group setting. For the most part you can read it either systematically or topically. Despite having the limitations of being a workbook under 100 pages, the authors do well to encourage us to long for and become the community the Gospel should produce.
There are six parts to each lesson. The first is a principle--the core of the lesson. A scenario is introduced to raise a dilemma in gospel ministry. Then we consider Scripture (only a reference given so you can use your own Bible) with questions, a section discussing the theology and application of the principle, discussion questions, and actionable items are finally suggested.
I enjoyed GCC. Its challenges were many: how we think about church buildings, money, community life, leadership, courage, using gifts and more. I grew progressively more convicted by chapter after chapter over this different picture of what "church" can and should be.
I most impressed by some thought-provoking statements and application. The authors were creative in making the principles practical. Specifically many of the "Ideas for action" were helpful. GCC will provoke you to be see your world in a different way because of the Gospel.
GCC will be helpful anywhere Christians are struggling with what it means to be community-focused and missional. If you are a pastor of an established church, I think GCC will be helpful for key leaders in your congregation. If you need a bit of a push out of safety and into the world, you will find encouragement here. If you need to remember the value and importance of local communities of faith, of locking arms for our mission, this is a good place to go. Small groups of various sorts will do well to check out GCC.
This is truly a workbook about a Gospel-shaped vision for the local church. If you are looking for a theological book, this isn't it. But for what it is, I found GCC useful for my own life and will be using it with some folks at Doxa.
Check out the REN3W Campaign from Redeemer, & this beautiful, artistic intro (go full screen)...
Let me give you a part of my story: Six and a half years ago I had finished my education at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY and was living in Lexington, KY, working as missionary to international students. I started to hear about something I know now as the "emerging church" (EC in this review).
At the time I was already concerned about how "locked in" traditional churches were to a programmatic mindset, a cold orthodoxy, professional pastoring. I was reading my Bible and seeing something different. I started reading books by people in or around the "emerging church conversation" and found the same hunger for community, authenticity, and church vitality.
About five years ago, after coming to northern Illinois to pastor a 45 year old SBC church, I started a blog called "Emerging SBC Leaders" (later called Missional Baptist Blog) with the intention of creating a place for young SBC'rs (especially pastors and seminarians) who wanted to enter the emerging conversation. I considered myself to be in the conservative side, strongly tied to the foundations of my faith including traditional elements. But I also saw a need for great changes in the "traditional" church. My goal for the blog was to encourage young leaders to stay in the convention and work for change rather than leave. What I found through the blog was a number of younger evangelicals who like me were dedicated to Scripture, solid theology and a love for Jesus, but who were also troubled at the state of the church (including traditional, reformed and contemporary/seeker).
Today, five years later, the blog is no more. It served its purpose. But I'm still a part of a larger conversation, or movement, of younger evangelicals who are working to see the church move in a more missional and biblical direction. I feel my thinking is headed where the always reforming church should be headed.
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When I saw Deep Church by Jim Belcher was coming out, I had to get my hands on it. I too have been looking for "a third way beyond emerging and traditional." Without using those words, that's the place where I already considered myself to be. This book showed me exactly where I am on the map and why I'm there, how I got there, and why this is where the church needs to be.
The difficulty in discussing Deep Church is that I didn't merely read the book. I experienced it. It kept me up one night. It had me giddy on another. Rather than give a typical review, I want to give you four things that came to mind first when processing this helpful book. I'm still processing.
I should start by saying there are two main sections of the book: 1. How Jim Belcher took a journey in both the traditional and emerging church to get to the Deep Church, and 2. The Deep Church explained through the seven protests of the emerging church (issues of truth, evangelism, gospel, worship, preaching, ecclesiology & culture).
1. You had me at "hello" -- It only took about 10 minutes to know I was going to love this book. Belcher's story resonated with my own story in many ways, and my own longing as a pastor now. If you have a story somethign like mine, I think you will quickly attach to Deep Church. In chapter 1 Belcher wrote about his longing to discard the superficial and "develop geniune family" among Christians. He started a weekly meeting that grew to a couple hundred within a few years. These were 3-4 hour meetings of in depth discussion - and it wasn't a church plant.
It's easy to hold up remarkable examples and expect it to be the norm when they will never be. But I think Belcher is on to something, born out of a love for the gospel and sharpened by the dissatisfaction of the EC to the current state of evangelicalism. It's where I am.
2. Amazing analysis -- While I'm not an expert on the "emerging church, I don't think I'm going too far to say that this is probably the best analysis of it to date. Scot McKnight, who has spoken much on the EC, has a blurb on the back cover saying the same thing. I think Belcher gets Emergent/EC issues right, McLaren right, and several other EC voices right. He has not just read their books, but gives great detail from experiences talking with EC leaders and visiting their worship services. A great resource for all interested in the good and bad in the EC.
But Belcher isn't just an analyst-critic of the EC. He's living with a foot in the EC world and the traditional church world. He speaks to both with grace and restraint. Where there is true criticism, he goes to great lengths to explain how he gets there. Deep Church isn't just a guide toward a "third way," it's also an example of speaking from a truely "generous orthodoxy." He tries to understand first, and then offers critique.
3. The Well - Born out of Frost and Hirsch's The Shaping of Things to Come, it's the idea that what we need is a centered-set church. A bounded-set (traditional) church builds fences, much like a farm would for livestock. But for Belcher a better approach is a centered-set where a well is in the middle of a farm without fences, knowing that cattle will only stray so far because they are dependent upon clean water from the well. The Well for the church is Jesus Christ.
This is a key idea from the book, from the chapter Deep Truth. And it's crucial to the approach of Belcher to these very divisive issues, as well as to the "third way" he is describing. Though this idea isn't totally new to me, it has hit me afresh and affected my thinking about my church deeply. It works well with the conversation lately about being "gospel-centered."
4. Restrained application -- Far from a "how-to" book, Deep Church carefully threads the needle with practical advice. Often it's not merely advice, but rather a "how we do it" explanation of Belcher's church, which allows us to see the "third way" in a context rather than as an abstract. If you want a book about quick, superficial changes for your church so that you can baptize more people asap, look elsewhere. Belcher makes you think and rethink so that your conclusions will be reasoned and deeply rooted.
Conclusion -- I think the bottom line is that Deep Church is about the roots of the traditional church, the helpful questioning and critique of the emerging church, and better answers than many in the EC could deliver. You could say that Belcher (as one in the EC) finally found the answers to the EC's questions while staying thoroughly biblical and theological, solidly traditional and historical. These are the answers so many of us have been looking for and only finding in bits and pieces along the way. They aren't new answers. But they have never been explained better as they pertain to the emerging church and the traditional church.
This book needs to be read by those in or interested in the EC. It needs to be read by pastors in traditional churches who see the need for change. I think it will be very helpful for those who see "missional" as a key term for our churches, a key correction for the traditional church.
I highly recommend Deep Church to you. But it at Amazon. If you've read Deep Church, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.
Check other reviews from Scott Armstrong at Common Grounds Online and lukefourteenthirtythree.
I'm into three books right now that really have me excited. Wanted to encourage you to check them out. I have reviews coming soon.
I'm 140 pages in and just love this book. It's analysis and critique of both the emerging and traditional church with a compelling "third way" beyond those two. The analysis of the emerging church as well as Brian McLaren has really been outstanding. Belcher's understanding of the third way resonates very strongly with me.
Jonathan is a friend and I've been looking forward to this booklet for a while. "Fight Clubs are about promoting gospel-centered discipleship, groups of two to three men or women fighting the fight of faith." It's fairly short and is an easy read. Practical and helpful advice from a Gospel-rich author and pastor.
Have you heard of Tim Keller? :) I am preaching a series on idolatry starting on September 6th and will be using this book as a resource. I can't say much yet as I've only gotten a little of the way in and so far haven't seen much beyond what I've read or heard from Dr. Keller in other places. But I'm pumped about this book and can't wait to get deeper into it.
The Rethink Mission logo looks like a stylized compass. The firstthing you notice about it are the arrows pointing out, which makes sense. Each of us, cultural missionaries, are sent to the corners of the globe (or to the edges of our cities) with a unique purpose.
What’s not as apparent are the 3 larger arrows pointing in. The internal work of the triune God who, in love, chose us, redeemed us, and makes us new. The fact that God comes to us, offering relationship despite our sin, is only a work of grace. Christ dies for his enemies to make them his friends; to make them his family. This is the gospel.
And that grace – received, believed, internalized – works in us, freeing us from guilt, shame, and despair, changing the way we relate to God and others, changing what we put our deepest hope in and derive our fullest joy from.
This is the internal transformation that only the gospel brings.
We need this. First.
Because you can’t go about fixing this world, until you yourself are at least on your way to repair. You can’t bring new life to this world until you yourself have experienced that life.
Otherwise, the very best of actions that stem from an inwardly empty self, though they may look like life, in reality have the stench of death about them.
I need the gospel to make me new.
But gospel renewal is always moving, always dynamic. The pages of scripture are filled with story after story – from the appearance of God to Moses, to the call of Isaiah; from the call of the first disciples, to the birth of the New Testament church – showing simply that God first draws us only then to send us out.
If a heart, charged and transformed by the grace of God does not explode outward in mission, then grace has not truly been experienced. It is the very nature of grace to move out to broken places and broken people.
Grace has movement: first in to renew the heart; then out to renew the world.
In. A heart renewed by the gospel.
Out. A missionary sent to work for the renewal of all things.
A few weeks back I wrote about connecting with suburbanites during the summer.I mentioned participating in cultural events, being servants through things like coaching sports, and having hospitable events like cookouts. With 5 full weeks left we still have a lot of great opportunities to connect. I’ve noticed in my life and in the life of my family that 5 tools have stood out this summer as helpful for connecting with our neighbors. Here they are for you. I hope you’ll add to the list.
1. Invite Cards
— My church, Doxa Fellowship, just recently had some branding work done
and immediately had some invite cards created. If your church doesn’t
have them, I highly recommend getting some done. They are simple,
attractive business cards with key church info. On ours we have the
church name, website and email on the front and our Sunday location and
time, including a map, on the back.
I have invite cards in my wallet, backpack, both cars, camera case, etc. I don’t drop them under windshield wipers or “accidentally” leave them lying around. The last thing people need is to feel like your church is the same as the going-out-of-business furniture store. I use them relationally. They give a better connection to our church when meeting someone or having a conversation.
I think after a shipping snafu we ended up paying $25 for 1,000 cards. You can get them plenty cheap, and they are of great value. I pass them out all the time. I keep them in front of my face as an encouragement to use them. I have a stack by where I set my wallet and keys. I put 3 on the table at the café when I sit down to read or work and see if I can give them out before I leave. It’s a great tool.
2. Tennis Ball
— I have two sports-oriented kids who will watch girls softball if
nothing else is on. One thing we have learned to do is always keep a
tennis ball in the car, in our swimming pool bag, in Elijah’s bat bag,
etc. When we are at the pool and they force that 15 minute break, we
grab the ball and play “hot box” in the grass. Hot box is where you
have two bases, a guy catching at each base, and everyone else is a
baserunner trying to advance but not get an out. And guess what. Kids
see us playing and want to join in every time we play.
A few days ago we had about ten kids playing hot box at the pool. Just last night we were on the Woodstock Square for a band concert. We took the tennis ball and started up a game of hot box well off to the side. Sure enough others joined in. We’ve connected with parents and kids by just having fun with my kids and inviting others to join in.
A tennis ball is nice because it’s heavy enough to throw hard and soft enough to not damage someone. But if you aren’t baseball oriented try a good nerf football (you need to be able to really throw it or it’s worthless), a frisbee, hacky sack, bag toss (sorry, I won’t call it “c*orn hole). You have nerdy kids? Cool. Embrace it. Bring extra magnifying glasses and invite kids to burn ants. Or if nothing else works, just play a game of tag.
3. Extra
______ — It’s happened to you. You are at the pool or the park and
someone didn’t bring something they needed. Maybe it’s a water bottle.
Maybe it’s bug spray or sunscreen. I was golfing several weeks ago and
someone needed a Tums. I had one. When you go somewhere, bring extra
consumables and be aware of folks around you who might be suffering
from forgetting something or a lack of planning. Be over-prepared and
generous.
It doesn’t need to just be consumables. Early in the Little League season it was cold and we would have plenty of blankets in the van for our family and for others if needed. Bring an extra umbrella if it might rain. It’s snowing? Bring an extra sled.
The key here is to think of others when planning for your events and
outings. Whatever you need for yourself, just add more. We leave bug
spray, sunscreen, umbrellas, sweatshirts, wet wipes, lawn chairs, and
water bottles in the car pretty much at all times.
4. Camera — I can’t tell you how many times I have my camera with me and see someone trying to get a “family picture” with one member of the family holding the disposable camera. I let them get their shot and then tell them I’m happy to get a photo with my camera and email it to them. They love it. Most often I just tell them I’ll take the photo and they can see and download it on Flickr. I carry Moo mini cards with my name, email address and Flickr address on it.
I
also like to grab photos of other people and/or their kids in the park,
playing baseball, etc, and then give them a Moo card. In the last few
weeks Elijah (8) played on the 7-8 year old all-star team. I took a handful of photos, put them on Flickr, and gave a Moo card to every parent and coach. Same with the 9 year old team. Same with Danny’s (6) bittie ball team.
The commissioner of the entire Woodstock Little League organization has
been grabbing my photos for next year’s book because of it. Lots of
great connections. A few weeks ago a woman in Woodstock was getting a
photo of her kids by a piece of local art and I told her to pose with
her kids and I’d email her the photo.
If you have a decent camera, it can be a great tool for making connections with your neighbors.
5. Courage
— How often do you kick yourself for not striking up a conversation? Or
are you so bad at it that you just gave up and don’t even feel bad
about it anymore? We need a renewed courage to strike up conversations
along the way.
I’m an introvert. Everyone in my church thinks I’m an extrovert because I’ve forced myself to learn to strike up conversations when in public, though I’m still learning how.
Having invite cards, tennis balls, a can of Cutter and a Nikon won’t get you anywhere without a little courage to gently push into the lives of others with an opportunity to serve them. Too often people won’t ask for help. They will swat the mosquitoes rather than asking if you might have spray. Often the kids will stand on the sideline and watch us play catch rather than ask to join in.
Once you are prepared with a few “connection tools” you have to be looking and longing to be involved in the lives of others. You have to find opportunities, and open your mouth. “Want to play with us?” “You know, that picture of your wife would look better with you in it. How about if I get a picture for you?” “Skittles?” Once you have a way to connect, go ahead, connect!
Let me know some tools you have found helpful for connecting with your neighbors.
*Originally posted at sub•text
