Family

Visit to the Neurologist

Thanks for all of your prayers.  We need them. 

We got back from the neurologist a little bit ago.  It's confirmed that Molly has Chiari I Malformation.  Surgery is not only a must, but the neurologist also encouraged a sense of urgency.  If it isn't taken care of soon there can well be more permanent damage done to her body. 

Mri_1 Basically the lower back of her brain, the cerebellum, is pressing into her spinal column and putting pressure on her brain stem.  Note in the Molly's MRI film on the right (click it for a larger version) the dashed line "T."  That is the bottom of the cerebellum part of the brain where it shouldn't be.  It's causing her both physical problems (limbs going numb, significant back and neck pain, balance issues, dizziness, etc) as well as some problems with her thinking.  She is struggling to track well in some of her conversations and has difficulty coming up with the right words to say.

First thing tomorrow morning we are going to speak with a neurosurgeon at the University of Chicago.  He is gone for the day or we would contact him today.  U of C is well recognized for this kind of surgery and comes highly recommended by Molly's neurologist.  We considered the Mayo Clinic, but with four kids it's difficult to go farther away (they likely will stay here in Woodstock with friends). 

As we understand it, this surgery should really help to straighten things out.  Many recover from most of their pain and difficulties.  The hospital stay should be 3-4 days. 

You would be right to guess we are concerned and a bit stressed over all this.  Molly is doing pretty well knowing surgery is coming, but I have to admit I'm starting to freak out a little bit.  We know God is in control and that we can trust Him with all our circumstances.  And I do feel all will turn out just fine in the end.  But I'm really starting to feel the weight of what's coming.  The next few months are going to be very stressful.

I love my wife so much.  As difficult as this will be for her, and for us, in many ways I'm looking forward to caring for her.  Please pray that we will get this surgery in the works asap.  And thanks again for all your prayers.  I will post any updates when I am able.

Please Pray for My Wife

Dsc_00342_2My beautiful wife, Molly, has had some severe back/neck issues for a few weeks now.  It has been causing her tremendous pain, significant muscle weakness, numbness in her arms and legs, dizziness and loss of balance, and more.  We assumed it was a pulled muscle or a pinched nerve, but a visit to the doctor said otherwise.  He said the symptoms didn't match something all that simple.  He gave her a few days to see if it started to improve.  It didn't. 

So our doctor sent Molly to get a battery of MRI's for her back, neck, & head.  He called on Saturday to deliver some bad news.  Our doctor told Molly she has Chiari (pronounced kee-AR-ee) Malformation, which is a "developmental anomaly at the base of the brain which results in the downward displacement of some of the brain's structures into the spinal canal" (via).  "The resulting pressure on the cerebellum can block the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (the liquid that surrounds and protects the brain and spinal cord)" (via).  Molly has had this neurological issue her whole life, but as often happens with this problem, the symptoms don't develop until adulthood (via).

Though we don't see the neurologist and get his thoughts and official diagnosis until tomorrow (things may be a little different in the eyes of a specialist), I thought it would be helpful to explain to my readers what Chiari Malformation is and the possible treatment my wife faces. 

If the diagnosis is correct there are two courses of possible action as we understand it.  1. Treat the symptoms, or 2. Surgery.  Merely treating the pain seems absurd at this point since her limbs go numb all through the day, she has come close to falling from balance issues, etc.  Pain treatment won't do anything for these problems.  So it would seem that surgery is the only option. 

Neck_1_2 "Surgery is the only treatment available to correct functional disturbances or halt the progression of damage to the central nervous system" (via).  The key is "creating more space at the region of the foramen magnum to allow the spinal flow in this area to return toward normal" (via). To do this the neurosurgeon would make an incision into the back of Molly's head and upper neck, remove some of the very back of the skull and possibly C1 and maybe even C2 (picture at right), and create space among the membranes in that area (via).  Learn more details of the surgery here, and a helpful series of illustrations here.

We are going to the neurologist tomorrow at 1pm (central time) to hear his diagnosis and approach to treatment.

Though our doctor seems quite confident of the diagnosis and we trust him, we are being a little reserved until the neurologist gives us his opinion.  I've heard too many stories of misdiagnoses.  Stay tuned for more info tomorrow after the appointment.  And if you think of it would you please pray for Molly.

Phriday is for Photos 5.25.07

Pedestrian Bridge

Someone Made A Putt!

The McCoy family spent a little time away from home this week, enjoying time together.  These are photos from that trip (centering the first isn't working, so click here for a better view). 

I'm also including a family video below with some mini-golf footage as well as me following the kids through a huge indoor playground.  By the time I made it through I was sweating and exhausted.  I think they made it for shorter/smaller humans.  All good fun.  Check out the rest of my photography on my Flickr site and the rest of our uploaded videos on my YouTube page.

Saturday Update & "Phriday Photos"

It's cold here in central Illinois, the day after my Mom's funeral.  Thanks for all your prayers.  All went well as far as services and schedules go.  There's no question that the more love and joy you have in your family, the more you are set up for great suffering if/when someone dies.  But I gladly accept the suffering now for 34 years with a great Mom. 

Please pray for my Dad who is really struggling right now, as you can expect.  I have known few people who were as intertwined in life as my parents.  We are going to watch the Cubs today, the Masters, and just talk a lot.  My whole extended family has really been great here in Pontiac.  A lot of people don't experience what I have experienced with so many relatives in one place, all who love each other very much.  It's really wonderful.  We will be leaving Sunday morning-ish to go home. 

I missed Phriday Photos.  So here are a few shots from early in the week.  I was up until 4am on Tuesday trying to get some lightning photos as some strong storms passed through Woodstock (Mom died at 5:15pm later that day).  Here are my favorites.  There are more on my Flickr page.

Lightning & Color

Roots

Almost
My Photography ||  Flickr Friday Photo

Margo McCoy 1947-2007

Dsc_0050I received a call on Monday from my Dad.  He and Mom (who has been struggling with terminal cancer for the last 6 months) wanted all the kids and our families to come on Tuesday night for one last big discussion so we can all express some final thoughts with each other, knowing Mom had weeks left at best. 

Tuesday morning my sister, Julie, called and said Dad rushed Mom to the hospital. She was throwing up blood all night.  So we left as soon as we could and got to the hospital in Pontiac, IL at 2pm.  We spent a few hours talking with her as much as was possible in her very weak state.  She was also hallucinating, though nothing too bad.  At about 5pm on Tuesday we took the kids out to get some dinner for us and Dad.  After leaving Burger King my sister called.  Mom died at 5:15pm on Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007.  We went back to the hospital immediately and spent some time mourning with many family members there.

Dsc_0005_2 We really thank God for getting us to Pontiac to be with her before she died, and to be here with/for my family.  I few people who touched as many lives as my Mom.  She was more generous than anyone I've every met.  I can't think of a selfish thing she ever did.  I can't think of a single time when she heard a need with one of us kids (when younger, married, whatever) and didn't act to do something about it.  I'm not exaggerating.

My Mom was also a tremendous friend to my wife.  Molly has very little contact with her parents, but has been "adopted" by my family.  Our wedding was in my hometown because of how much she connected with my Mom and needed that support.  My Mom was Molly's Mom, and I'm so thankful for the years they had together.  They were very close.

Dsc_0010 I'm speaking a bit at the funeral, though not preaching.  I'm really speaking on behalf of me, my brother and sister.  My buddy Jason Woolever will be preaching. 

Outwardly I'm doing fine.  Inwardly I'm struggling.  This is easily the most painful experience of my life.  It's also difficult because I may not make it back to our church for Easter.  I really want to get back there, but Dad needs some of us around right now.  We are playing it by ear.  We appreciate your prayers.

Family Sabbatical

Dsc_000920070326I've finished my work sabbatical and am working hard on a "family sabbatical."  So far we have taken a day-trip to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, bought the kids new bikes and watched them crash, fired up the grill with some rockin' angus burgers, played baseball in the backyard, swatted mosquitos (ugh, already), gone bowling (yes I won, and yes winning is all that matters), stayed up late and slept in.  Been a good week so far.

This past Sunday we visited with Community Christian Church in Naperville.  I emailed Dave Ferguson last week to see where he was preaching live and he was kind enough to respond and let me know it would be the Naperville - Yellow Box location.  You may have heard Dave on various ministry/pastoring podcasts (Catalyst, Exponential Conference) as the multi-site guru.  Or maybe you have read his book, The Big Idea.  I have been very encouraged by his vision for his church and have learned from him from afar.

Dsc_000320070325 After some Cracker Barrel for breakfast we easily found Yellow Box and found parking to be a snap.  We try to avoid "visitor parking" at churches because we are more like friendly spies than visitors.  On entering found a number of people partaking in Baptist breakfast (cookies and coffee).  Nice, small cafe area.  A nice lady took us downstairs so our kids could go to "Kids' City."  We normally have all of them in the services with us, but Dave said that he was preaching on sex.  Ok.  Kids' City it is.

Upstairs to the service.  It started with a cover of the Goo Goo Dolls "Slide," then a couple of newer worship songs.  Very talented musicians and well done.  "The Coach" came out to tell us a few words (The Coach is a skit of a high school coach/sex ed teacher).  Dave Ferguson then got up to preach, maybe 25-30 minutes.  Wasn't really paying attention to time.  Then a song with communion, the offering and a country song (from the radio, I think), and a closing song.  I think I have all that right.  It was good to experience another church that is experiencing rapid growth and try to get a feel for how they do things.  Then we found a Fuddruckers, a family favorite, for lunch.  Good burgers. 

In a few minutes we are leaving to spend time with my Mom and Dad. Many of you know my Mom has cancer and hasn't been given much time from the doctors.  She was doing extremely well through the holidays, but is having some major issues at the moment.  It's pretty scary and difficult right now, so we are very glad to have time to go spend time with her.  We are also glad to spend time with Dad who is enduring much in this season.  Hoping to bring him some encouragement as well.

A New Van

We finally have something to show you, purchased last night.  (For background, go here and here.)  We used all donations and about half of our tax refund.  We owe nothing!  The McCoy family thanks all of you who prayed for a new van for us and who sent us some help in getting one.  We are now driving a testimony of God's goodness everywhere we go.

John 13:35, "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

Is Winter Over Yet?

The temps are finally headed above freezing here in Northern IL.  And since the kids had a day off of school we thought we could go play on the big pile of snow that was plowed off our church parking lot.  Here's a video I took of a fun family day.

McCoy Van Donations

I shared a couple of days ago that we have received about $5,000 toward a van through many generous folks over the internet.  Now our church members have added to that number.  The grand total at this point is $11,895.68, including PayPal, checks in the mail, & cash.  The total number of gifts is over 100! 

God does wonderful things through his people.

Pro Bowl & Talking With Your Kids

I was watching some of the Pro Bowl with my sports fanatic 6 year old son, Elijah.  He asks so many questions during sporting events that I often miss the on-air discussions with the "experts."  Yeah, I know talking with my kid is way better than listening to Greg Gumbel, but sometimes I really want to hear what they are saying.

After tonight, I will never question the priority of listening to my son.  Somewhere around question/comment #1,724 he noticed that a guy on the Redskins was playing where Brian Urlacher would play.  I missed the first half of his comment as I was coming out of my game-mode zombie state and switching to loving-dad-mode, but he said something like, "Dad, did you notice that a guy from the Rednecks is playing where Urlacher plays?"

Where in the heck has he heard of rednecks?  I think he has listened to too many Mark Driscoll sermons.

Man, I love my kids.

When Needs Arise

UPDATE: Post updated below in bold.

I mentioned a few days ago that God has done some amazing things for our family.  Here's a brief recap of what's happened. 

A few weeks back I took my car to the shop with overheating problems.  Our mechanic described how the car was basically beyond its life and we better move on.  It's way more complicated than just overheating, in other words.  That was a bummer to hear, but we still had our van.

Well, two days later we took the van in for an oil change.  The oil change turned into the mechanic telling my wife that in the near future one of the wheels would suddenly decide to take off in another direction while driving down the road.  We were told the cost would be very significant and that it wouldn't make sense in a car with various other problems beyond steering.  She called me crying, not knowing what to do.

So we learned in a 2-3 day period that both cars were at the end of their lives.  With a combined total of nearly 400,000 miles between them, it made sense.

What didn't make sense was that we have no money for a car, very little money for car payments, and so on.  We knew we could keep driving the van in town at least, but the car would soon be shelved. 

Within a few days of hearing about our need Joe Thorn decided to put something up on his blog about it.  Then Marty Duren emailed me about it and I gave him some info.  I thought he was asking for personal reasons, but then he put it on his blog with a request people might give at least $5.  Tim Ellsworth followed.  A few more bloggers put up some variation of Marty's post with the same request.  I wish I could name all the blogs, but there are probably some I haven't seen and don't want to leave anyone out. 

It was a humbling experience to have several bloggers looking out for us and trying to get some help on behalf of my family.  A few people gave some over the next few days and it was such a blessing.  Then it started piling up.  We got a number of PayPal donations and a ton of cards in the church mailbox, more than 20 a day for a few days in a row.

As of today (though we are still getting something every day) we have somewhere near $4,000 that has been given to us.  (UPDATE: We just got word that another church is giving, add $1,200 more!  So the total should be a bit over $5,000.)  How amazing is that?  Some who gave are friends, some I have never met or heard of.  We've received donation letters from pastors, theologians, missiologists and missionaries, seminary profs, college profs, denominational executives, state and local baptist association leaders, churches, non-SBC ministers, laypeople, and a few anonymous folks (one named "Justa Christian").  We've gotten cards from three locations outside the U.S.: Ireland, Hong Kong, and Texas.  We've received checks and cash, as low as $5 and as high as $1,000.  We received a photo of a kid with 5-6 Matchbox cars lined up, willing to donate one to our family.  One family gave a check and then had a few added dollars from their child.  One person wrote that they read about the need on a website they didn't like much, but since they like to give they figured they would help us.  I'm guessing the site is Ellsworth's, you know, because he is a Cardinals fan and all.  The stories are endless. 

Often the blogosphere gets ripped for any number of reasons.  There are valid reasons for much of the critique.  But this is an example of using blogs for something amazing.  We've been greatly blessed.

We have so far only collected the stuff that's come in and are about to put it into our account and figure out what kind of vehicle we can get.  The time is short since our "service engine soon" light just came on in our only running car!  Haha.  We aren't sure what we are going to get yet since some money is still coming in, but soemthing will happen soon and we will let you all know.

We just wanted to end by saying thank you all so much!  You have all taught us a lot about generosity and meeting needs.  In God's providence I was teaching a series at our church on generosity just as we faced this situation and watched the money pour in.  I was able to use it as an illustration during that series.  God is good.

"The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work." (2 Cor 9:6-8)

My Grandpa

Dsc_0091_1I just found out my Grandpa (Dad's dad) died this morning.  He was with us at my Mom and Dad's house for Thanksgiving, looking old but pressing on.  A few weeks ago his doctor said he is declining and wouldn't make it until next Christmas.  Yesterday the doctor said he may not make it through the weekend.  He barely made it to the next morning. 

E.J. McCoy was a man of the town (Pontiac, IL), a friend to many, loving and generous, quick to locate the sweets, active and fun.  I remember once he was telling a really dumb joke on the golf course (it was the 17th hole) and he was crying over how funny it was to him.  He could barely finish the joke.  I remember sleeping on the pull-out couch in his condo in Venice, Florida.  He took us to the beach to fish with live shrimp and we watched him try to get the hook out of the mouth of a stingray he caught.  I remember how Grandpa was stubborn and how he would win every argument, even after he lost.  I remember how his eyes would light up when he would see our kids.  And I remember how when we went to visit him over the Holidays his health was so poor that he could barely open his eyes to see our kids. 

I could say so much more, but it's enough to say that I loved and will miss my Grandpa.

Playcation

Yep, family is going on vacation.  We are headed to Wisconsin Dells (a couple hours North) on Wednesday and won't be back until next week.  Awesome.  Longest vacation to a non-relative location for us.  And we need it.  This has been a stressful year of ministry. 

Here's our family video from our Wisconsin Dells vacation over Halloween 2005.  Make sure you watch it all the way through.  The ending is spectacular.  Well, at least pretty cool.  Music from The Go! Team: Thunder, Lightning, Strike.

Double Digits

Dsc_0088_1My daughter, Sarah Elizabeth McCoy, is 10 years old today.  She reminds us at every turn that 10 is "double digits."  That means today is an important day for her, and it's important for me too.

Dsc_00011 Sarah was born in Denver (Littleton) in 1996 she changed our lives and marriage more than I can ever explain.  I remember changing her diapers and watching her sleep so peacefully and gazing into her little life-filled eyes wondering what the future would bring.  She has made me very happy and terribly proud. 

Dsc_00202_1 Sarah gave her first public speech last week on the Elf Owl.  It was so good the teacher asked her to repeat the performance as an example for the other kids.  Sarah cries easily over her sin and seeks Jesus.  Sarah loves her cat, Calvin.  Sarah loves music, learning the words and singing along.  Sarah loves her three younger brothers and will put up with tons of sibling frustrations in order to help and serve them.  Sarah will sit in her room playing with dolls with the Bible on tape playing in the background.  Sarah enjoys learning to bake with her Mom and shopping for clothes and eating anything with broccoli in it. 

Dsc_00321_2 Sarah is a gift that unwraps daily, teaching me about life and love and hope and kindness and beauty.  Sarah is my little girl who isn't so little anymore and is more like a woman than a girl.  I love my Sarah, and my Sarah loves me. 

Happy birthday Sweetheart.  I love being your Daddy and you make me very happy. 

Black Boots on YouTube

I'm happy to say that I've added my take on murder and mayhem to YouTube.  If you haven't seen it or just feel compelled to revisit this dark film portraying the tragic mix of the wild west and suburbia, go watch the classic McCoy family favorite: Black Boots.

Catching Up

I want to update you on a few things concerning the blog and life.

One of my main goals with the blog over the last few months has been to only blog when I want to, and to keep from encouraging comment threads that end up wasting my time.  For the most part I've stuck with that idea and it's made the blog an extension of my life rather than a power over my life.  I haven't been writing much of my own thought lately, not much in terms of original content.  But I'm okay with that right now.  I hope that will change soon, but it has to mesh with what I'm doing in my local church.

Dsc_0014 We went to visit my parents after church on Sunday.  I've mentioned before that my Mom has cancer.  Last week they found out the chemo is working and shrinking the cancer.  It's hard to say what that will mean for the next few weeks or months, but it's the first piece of good news we've had since she was diagnosed.  Thanks to all who are praying.  The picture is of my mom and sister.  My sister colored her hair, my mom (who is losing her hair) is wearing a Halloween wig.

I'm halfway through preaching Colossians and loving it.  It's just what I need, and I'm thankful to God for what I'm learning.  I hope our church is getting the same thing.  The one thing I haven't done much of lately is listen to sermons.  My wife and I used to listen to a sermon together on Monday mornings.  I would be in my office and she would be working on the house.  But I moved my home office to our basement so we are disconnected.  I miss those mornings listening together to guys like Matt Chandler, Mark Driscoll or Tim Keller.

My sons and I are really enjoying the football season so far.  The Bears are exceeding all expectations and look like they are equipped to go the distance.  The Monsters of the Midway are monsters again.  Beware!

Have you enjoyed a good cigar lately?  Why not?  I've been learning a lot about cigars lately and have enjoyed one or two.  Delightful.  Pick up this one, or maybe this one.

Last let me mention some things I've been enjoying lately.  Richard Lovelace's book, Renewal as a Way of Life, has been a great encouragement so far.  A very thought provoking book.  Ray LaMontagne's new CD, Till the Sun Turns Black, is good.  iMonk's podcast has been a nice diversion.  So has Writers on Writing

By the way, the iTunes 7 upgrade sucks for Windows users.  Then they put up a fix (7.0.1) which merely sucks less.  Distortion.  If you haven't upgraded, stay where you are for now.

Mom Update

Dsc_0010I'm really not going to go into much detail on the blog about my Mom and her situation with cancer.  I'm not going to keep giving regular updates or anything.  But I did want to mention a couple of things since so many of you are praying.  Thank you so much for your comments and prayers.  And thanks to those of you who felt compelled to post on your blog about my mom.  It's very encouraging to me, and to her.

Dsc_0011 Mom started chemo last Monday, but then went to the emergency room two different times in the following days with shortness of breath.  From that we found out the cancer in her lungs (originating from breast cancer) is spreading very rapidly.  It was another major blow in a couple of weeks of being pummeled with bad news.  So we left Friday afternoon and spent Friday night and Saturday with my Mom and Dad (they live 2 1/2 hours away).  We just needed to see her and hug her and let them know we are there to talk or listen or laugh or whatever.  It was very good for us, and I think good for her too.

Second round of chemo was yesterday and we are still hopeful that it will work and the cancer will shrink and allow her to live for a handful of years.   Please pray for that.

Most of all pray that Mom and Dad would find great courage and faith in a time of many doubts and struggles.  Pray that they would be confident in God's goodness and trust in the Cross of Christ.

My Mom does pop by here now and then and I've tried to be careful in what I've shared.  I'm going to close the comments because I don't want to encourage a conversation or questions about her cancer for her to see.  If you have something you would like to say or ask, please email me.  Thanks so much friends.